“What do you do when motivating discipline fluctuates?”
I feel undisciplined again… (an excerpt from the beginning of lockdown…)
The soft sheets made me sink lower to an eclipse of lazy stupor, my dear cat Hugo, looking from under the blankets in her somewhat worrisome but caring way, her paw nestled on my wrist, I looked back at her and then immediately stared back at my phone, waiting for any possible notification, from any social platform, you see, just to keep my hyperactive mind at bay, or so I would say…
Glancing at my laptop and past the wooden food tray filled with mostly eaten scrumptious food. I did not know whether to find it amusing or alarming. During the first day, it was an act of trying to tune out the sudden turn of events, staying in, for what was a supposed to be normal day but,
It has been for a week… or more…
Is this the recurrent couch potato syndrome that tends to visit me at times?
The shows kept on streaming, my projects ongoing, while I lie down, my self-health, in a possible delay…
I had various reasons, perhaps it was because I was not feeling up to it, maybe I felt that I deserved the rest, or could a mere avoidance of the reality makes me want to veer away from it in my own typical denial?
I would lie awake, in the middle of the night, overlooking, the lights, from far away, flickering memories start to come back to me. I remember that once, it would lit up, no matter what time it was, alive in its glorious euphoric state. The cars caught in a trafficking zig-zag or moving fast if luck happens. Now, I sat wondering how many dreams have been consumed in this pandemic frenzy. Helpless, I tried to find ways to bring others up, but a struggle as I have been caught myself in its force…
In the mornings, I tried to do some yoga, but still, the nagging headache from not sleeping much can be an imbalancing equation to feeling calm and relaxed throughout the day, also it does not keep my cravings at
Thinking by yourself can be refreshing when you need a quick break or personal space and yet at times like these, I knew what I needed… I called my closest friends, some just a few miles away while for some we were time zones apart. “How are you?” “Not so well actually…” “Same here, me too.” Nevertheless, connecting to them made us realise that we were all dealing with a sense of loss, in our own way, an amalgamation of struggles that kept us together throughout time, while finding ways to maintain our sanity amidst everything.
Usually, I just started writing what makes me feel lighter, eating wholefood, sensible workouts, and sleeping soundly became a basic challenge. Most of my friends followed, we would check up on our progress, while laughing about these transitions while motivating each other still.